A joyful heart
All parents wonder if we're doing it right. We wonder if we're screwing it up....especially with our first child. My last post is a testament to that first hand, and many of you left me some wonderful comments either at my blog or on some of the communities I'm a part of like: cre8buzz, mybloglog, or myspace. So thanks to you all for your feedback. Each of you had something insightful and supportive to say, which really gave me some insight into the rest of your lives and your parenting.
I wanted to give you an update on the chart and it's five lines. Although it is initially what got my son's attention, it's not what's really working for him (note: all five lines are still up).
Each day as he's come home from school, with a smiley on his hand, he's been getting a huge smiley on his chart for the category: OBEYING AT SCHOOL/RIGHT CHOICES.
As soon as he's picked up, he can't wait to tell me all the right choices he's made and how he didn't follow his friend into bad ones. At first, when he made the decision to stick to his guns and do what was right, he apprehensively asked me, "Mommy? What if making the right decisions means Devon won't be my friend anymore. What if he won't like me after that?" Imagine peer pressure at four! Poor kid!
I replied as any parent would, "Sweetheart. True friends love you for who you are, and if Devon decides he doesn't like you for being good than he wasn't your friend, to begin with. You have fifteen other kids in your class that you can be friends with. I'm sure Devon will be just fine with you making the right choices. Besides, you get to teach him how to make good choices...think of how exciting that will be. Maybe no one has shown him what it is to be good!?"
Well, last night, he was sitting on his throne as all men do, and he called me in the bathroom. He had this bright smile. Obviously, he had been doing a lot of thinking, as he'd been in there for a while. I smiled back and he said, "Devon is learning good choices, Mommy. I'm teaching him how to be a good kid!"
He was so proud of himself for leading this other child in the right way in life. My joyful heart almost exploded with love for my little boy. He loves others so deeply and was so afraid of losing a friend. Now he's experienced that true love is showing others to walk upright by setting an example, and sharing what good comes from it. I'm so glad he's learning so much from this. It's not just about a drum set. It's about life.
I wanted to give you an update on the chart and it's five lines. Although it is initially what got my son's attention, it's not what's really working for him (note: all five lines are still up).
Each day as he's come home from school, with a smiley on his hand, he's been getting a huge smiley on his chart for the category: OBEYING AT SCHOOL/RIGHT CHOICES.
As soon as he's picked up, he can't wait to tell me all the right choices he's made and how he didn't follow his friend into bad ones. At first, when he made the decision to stick to his guns and do what was right, he apprehensively asked me, "Mommy? What if making the right decisions means Devon won't be my friend anymore. What if he won't like me after that?" Imagine peer pressure at four! Poor kid!
I replied as any parent would, "Sweetheart. True friends love you for who you are, and if Devon decides he doesn't like you for being good than he wasn't your friend, to begin with. You have fifteen other kids in your class that you can be friends with. I'm sure Devon will be just fine with you making the right choices. Besides, you get to teach him how to make good choices...think of how exciting that will be. Maybe no one has shown him what it is to be good!?"
Well, last night, he was sitting on his throne as all men do, and he called me in the bathroom. He had this bright smile. Obviously, he had been doing a lot of thinking, as he'd been in there for a while. I smiled back and he said, "Devon is learning good choices, Mommy. I'm teaching him how to be a good kid!"
He was so proud of himself for leading this other child in the right way in life. My joyful heart almost exploded with love for my little boy. He loves others so deeply and was so afraid of losing a friend. Now he's experienced that true love is showing others to walk upright by setting an example, and sharing what good comes from it. I'm so glad he's learning so much from this. It's not just about a drum set. It's about life.
Comments
I really think your plan of using consequence is a good one. It is reward based (always good) but it is teaching him to use his judgment and figure out what is right and what is wrong. It's very clever. Trick him into learning!