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Sunday, July 22, 2012

12 years ago

Tonight as I type, I look back to where I was 12 years ago at this moment.  I had just married a wonderful guy, who swept me off my feet and we were dancing to our favorite band.  It makes me smile to think how far we've come in such a short time.  I was blissfully happy and knew we'd have a beautiful life together. 

However within months of our marriage, I almost lost my sweet husband.  Due to a sudden on-set of food allergies (which happens to adults sometimes), he had an anaphylactic attack, flat lined, and was non-responsive in my car.  At this time, we were unaware of the cause of his issues.  All I knew is that my new husband was no longer breathing and it was up to me to figure it out.

I remember driving wildly through and into oncoming traffic, to beat the clock and make it to the ER to save him.  I remember having flashes of a future that played before my eyes, like a film, of the family we would never have... the golden years we'd never share.  God preformed a miracle for me that day and saved my husband.  We got to the hospital with seconds to spare, before it would have been too late.

In the years that would follow, we learned what to avoid in my husband's diet to keep him from having anphylaxis.  My DH had a couple more minor attacks in the next year, to which I recognized the pre-cursers and got him to hospital in time before his airways shut off. 

Each time we went to the hospital, my anxiety rose.  It was tough seeing his body go through it and it felt like I was going to lose him all over again.  When we finally finished testing, and learned what to stay away from - I monitored every bite he took ... every breathe he drew in.  If he closed his eyes suddenly, I thought he'd passed out and I'd shake him asking, "Are you okay?"

I felt more like his monitor in many ways, and he learned to be very patient with me.  Looking back, I know it was frustrating for him having me hover over him but he let me have my worried moments, taking care of him.  He was and is a good man.  We learned for better or worse very early on in our marriage.  And my DH learned how to handle me...with care.  I was more fragile than he was.

Eventually we found our pace again...a normal one.  My anxiety fell away, and we had our strict diet in place to keep my husband on track.  A few years later we had a child (who also had severe food allergies), and learned a whole new level to what life was really about.  I remember the second he was born, looking at those big brown eyes and then hearing my husband ... he was crying.  His tears of joy and look of love for his son hit me ... This  was so much bigger than anything we'd ever known, and no one can truly can prepare you for it.  It's just something you know you're destined for once it happens. 

It was then that I reflected on those 'flashes' I experienced in the dark moments when my husband was not breathing in my car.  We had a child.  We'd made it through and now had such a bigger purpose.  It was no longer about us, but now about the three of us and our responsibility to raise a person - our child.

Now the three of us our on our family vaca in Branson...and it's our 12th wedding anniversary.  I can't believe how fast time flies and how much we've experienced in life.  I'm so grateful to God that he spared my husband's life and gave me a wonderful marriage and child.

I'm feeling very blessed tonight. 

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