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Saturday, October 03, 2009

I'm getting old fast

So I found a lump about 2 weeks ago. A pretty substantially sized lump and it kinda freaked me out. I've only recently started doing self exams in the last couple of years, and I'll admit I'm not as vigilant as I should be.

For the last 6 months one breast has been really tender to where I can't even sleep on one side at night. I've always heard cancer doesn't hurt, so I wasn't too concerned about it being the big C. But I have to admit, when I found that lump I was so sick to my stomach that I almost couldn't stand in the shower to finish up why I was really there.

I finally got my hair washed and cleaned and stood up enough to turn off the water and dry off. My stomach was in a lurch and my hands were a little shaky. About an hour later, I snapped out of it. I knew I was going to be okay. After all it was just a little lump. I prayed over it and started the day with determination, not worrying about anything I couldn't control. After handing it to God, I knew it was in great hands and whatever was the outcome I'd be taken care of.

The next day God practically told me that it wasn't cancer. I was playing with my son, and it was as if he literally told me, 'You have a son to raise and that's your job here. You're not going anywhere.'

A week & half later I finally got to my OBGYN for an exam who went through the standard exam. You have to know I'm squeemish being in his office anyways...let alone a breast exam. I'm ticklish. He confirmed my lump...'Yes, I feel that one. Let's try the other one.'

I breathe in and brace myself for round two.

'Oh yes, and I feel multiple ones over in this one.'

What? WT? I wasn't expecting that one. Again a little shaken - but this time it passed in minutes.
He wrote my work order for the breast center, and checked the appropriate boxes and sent me on my way with - 'well hopefully I won't be seeing you again for a year. Once I get their report I'll let you know.'

OK - thanks for that doc. I appreciate the reassurance.

Then once I was almost passed the doctor's hallway and out to the exit the nurse gave me puppy dog eyes and said, "Honey are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm not scared." --- Why? I thought. Should I be????

My next appointment was for four days out. To make a long story short, I had to wait a looong time to get a diagnosis. Again I had reassurance it wouldn't be cancer as it was tender, and I was riddled with cysts. That's not typically cancer. BUT to finally have a diagnosis was like a huge breathe of fresh air...just very cleansing.

I suffer from fibrocystic tumors. My breasts weren't even readable with a mammogram. The tissue was so dense, you couldn't see through them. With an ultrasound, they confirmed that I'm riddled with cysts through both breasts and throughout the chest wall.

A bunch of pea sized bumps that will be there for ever that are very tender, causing me issues through most of the month. If they become bigger, they'll need to be lanced or drained with a needle.

So the moral of the story?

Stay away from caffiene -- which I never intake anyway. I drink water, juice or white 2% milk at all times. I do chocolate once a month for a few days. I'm not on caffiene with any products either, like energy drinks or back pills.

So for me, I just continue dealing with the pain as it's very manageable all but one week of the month & pray I don't get any enlarged cysts as I HATE NEEDLES!!!

Oh, and I wonder if I can get a doctor's note to ask for a 'hands off' period for my husband? Hmmmmm........

I think I'm getting old!