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A long road...a new dawning


Being on here awhile now, I get the fun task of listing certain things that are in response to being tagged. Most are quite fun! However this last one is a little brain boggling. My task is to list what obsessive thoughts plague me. I don't normally focus on these sorts of things...I push any tiny nagging negative to the back of my brain because I like to always think about the upside of life.

However, I never back down from a challenge...at least a reasonable one. So Carolsplaceforpeace...this one's for you. You gave me this task and I will follow through.

When I was younger, before having a good life, I faced a lot of trauma. Too much trauma for someone that had only lived 20 or so years on the earth. I suffered a lot of pain and mental stress. Through a lot of prayer and hard work on my part, I overcame and survived! I moved on to a healthier me, who didn't want to focus on the past but move forward. However the past is what made me who I am today.

So I can say, I used to suffer obsessive thoughts on a daily basis. In my teens I obsessed on when I would die. I didn't think I'd make it past 18. Then once my 18th birthday came and went, God tapped me on the heart and whispered, "See I told you...you're going to make it. Keep going!"

Once in college, I obsessed over how I was going to make it day to day. The person that caused me a lot of trauma attended the same university I did. He harassed me daily, so I turned to alcohol to get past the pain. I obsessed over how dirty I felt, from the person's behavior toward me. Again God stayed with me and whispered, "You're my creation. You're strong and healthy. You're perfect and chaste. Keep going...I'm with you.....YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT!"

Long story short, I found a great family therapist that helped me peel back the layers of my experiences in life to help me find my core. She helped me remember who I was. God used her in such a way that I knew I was exactly all those things God kept telling me I was. I am a survivor, who doesn't like to focus on anything but making it happen for me and my family. I will not cow to negative thoughts or anything that wouldn't give praise to my Lord.

However, at 2 a.m. when I'm groggy or not fully alert....a few of those old thoughts may be triggered from a dream. I have to wake myself up and pray THANKS TO GOD for making me who I am, was, and will be. Thanks to HIM for who He is, was, and will always be.

I probably won't tag anyone with this, because I would never encourage anyone to focus on anything that wouldn't be positive. Hey we all know negative or bad things happen...let's do what we can to overcome them!
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