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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Anxiety

You ever hear Pat Benatar's song in the 80's? Anxiety...it's got me on the run!

That's how I've felt a little this last week. Although I left my 'leaves nothing to be desired' sales job last month to start my photography business, I also need something supplemental to keep me going until my dream supports our financial reality.

So...I'm working in the health care industry with the senior market to help those 65 and older understand medicare and their options. Medicare contracts this company I work for to contact these people to help explain their benefit options and opportunities. The problem is I'm seeing mostly people in undesired parts of town. I literally drove off from some appointments last week, not wanting to walk into these houses. Although the homes I've been in have been okay, you can never be too careful...and I need to listen to my gut when something is wrong. So if I feel the need to drive off, then there's something to that.

Last week I drove to an appointment, and drove by a low income housing complex. There was a bare chested skinny dude in a trash dumpster outside his apartment, staring at who knows what. And some fat lady smoking a cig was on her porch, in a house dress, sat there watching him. Not that this is a dangerous scenario, because it's not...but who does that???

I can control some of this by only dialing those in better neighborhoods, but the anxiety of it all is getting to me. It's creating a desire in me to walk away from this opportunity and I can't afford that luxury. Not only did I pass my state insurance exam, which wasn't cheap, but I've invested time with the company...I'm not a quitter!

I can't imagine another opportunity that would allow me to take care of my son on my own schedule...

So pray that I figure out my options. The next couple days will be spent with another representative on his calls as a ride a long for training purposes. He's a former Marine, with a gun...so I feel safe with him.

BUT when it's time to go solo I better have my feelings sorted out about this.

If only my photography business would just pick up substantially so I wouldn't have to deal with any of the other 'stuff'. I am getting ready to run some ads so maybe it will.

POST NOTE-To respond to some of the comments left already:

I've been praying. I know God me in His hands, that I'm sure of. I just don't know what path He wants me on. If it's this job, than the anxiety will fade. If it's not, then the anxiety kicks in with....what path then? Which of course, I know He'll reveal in His own time...I just wish I had a look at His watch from time to time.
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